Brick by Brick

I Want One

2009-08-28T13:36:00Z

What's better than a full scale Gundam? How about a wedding underneath?

Yes, that is exactly what it looks like. Click on the picture for more wedding photos.

Google Voice running out of numbers?

2009-08-24T14:00:00Z

Like everyone else, or most everyone else, I've signed up for a number from Google Voice. This is a nifty way to cut down on long distance costs, get voice mail, and one published number that can follow you either at home, mobile phone, or office number. You give out your Google Voice number and their server calls you one any or all three. There are even web widgets you can place on your web page so someone can enter their phone number and call you. Whoot!

Since we live in a fairly rural area, just about every other town is a long distance call and I figured Google Voice would be quite popular here.

But the system is so popular that there are no more numbers available in our area code. Even Vermont still has more numbers available. That's too bad and I do hope Google buys more numbers in the good old state of New Hampshire. I do wonder, though, just how many people are hoarding numbers.

So be quick and sign up in your area before all the local numbers disappear!

My new hobby

2009-08-20T17:02:00Z

The weather has been beautiful these last few days and I'm sitting in an office. I have one window that I can't look out because I keep the blinds mostly closed in an attempt to block the majority of the sun's rays and keep my rented space somewhat cool. The air conditioner doesn't work very well and certainly cannot maintain a constant temperature. So I set the thermostat to about 70 degrees. The system runs during the cool of the night but slowly warms up to near 80 during the day. Yes, that means it runs 24/7.

Mice scurry overhead on the other side of the drop ceiling. I hear their little footprints as they do whatever mice do on top of drop ceilings. One morning I came in to find a dead mouse behind my chair. It was only a baby and was probably the smallest mouse I had ever seen. I scooped it up and gave it a quick burial at sea. It's actually to the septic tank but the nautical term sounds so much prettier and I don't want to ruin Finding Nemo for anyone ("All drains lead to the ocean, kid").

I have a new VoIP phone sitting on my desk that I set up for another client in the building. It's pretty cool and actually works! It's from a new vendor I've recently sign up to start selling and was my first sale. Unfortunately, the small business it was designed for isn't doing much better than mine and the end user hasn't been back. We went round and round to get the phone set up, port an existing number, and set up a new toll free number so it was a great learning experience for me, plus setting up the router and Ethernet switch for VLAN tagging and QOS. But it's sitting on my desk, not theirs and my invoice is waiting to be paid.

What's also great about my office is that I get about 6 or 7 wasps buzzing around during the day. I have a small vacuum cleaner that I use to capture them. The vacuum has a clear plastic container and I can watch them buzz and crawl around. The machine isn't strong enough to kill them, just capture. I think the wasps are coming in around the window which leads me to believe that the air my AC unit has been working so hard to cool is leaking out and warm air is coming in with the wasps. I can't wait for winter!

I picked up a USB headset some time ago and finally plugged it in and installed Google Talk. Now I can do voice chats with my wife when I'm at the office except for the fact that she turned off Google Talk on her PC so I never know when she's online.

So if you're looking to save some money and are interesting in a new VoIP phone to run over your broadband connection, let me know. I can probably give the first taker a good deal on a slightly used phone.

Blogging is not Billable Time

2009-08-20T15:51:00Z

Things have been quiet around the old blog this summer. As the title says, I can't bill anyone for the time spent blogging so I'm not doing much of that right now. I'm busy trying to earn a dollar or two.

That said, I know I should at least post something once in a while so here you go!

Darin Petty, an old friend, has started his own blog. Stop by and read Darin's take on various subjects. This post is quite interesting.

Darin has been scolding me via email that I haven't been writing enough so I guess I better get cracking!

Building a Business

2009-06-04T04:59:00Z

So I'm out on my own, trying to make a buck or two and unfortunately that's about all I've earned in the last two months.

Well, It's been a little more than that. How about I said I earned as much in two months as I used to earn in one week? That's a little more accurate.

Still: Ouch.

But no bailout money for me. No Unemployment. Just hard work, which is something I'm not really good at doing. Where are the jobs that pay me to play video games? Surf the web? Drink Mountain Dew? I've never found that job.

Actually, things are beginning to fall into place. It's been a slow time putting the "back end" of my business into place but I now have several vendors lined up and I'm partnering with one of the local telephone companies to provide MAC (Moves, Adds, and Change) work for their existing customers and as a reference to install new phone systems. Pretty sweet deal, really. It's not actual money in my pocket, but it does give me some good networking opportunities and more chances to sell and install systems. God is Good.

I told someone this week that I'd rather be lucky than good. I don't remember where I first heard that but it seems to fit me pretty well. You can review my "2 by 4" Moment which I think explains it mostly. By "luck" I mean "God is awesome and did something" so don't go thinking I believe in anything else. If the proverbial "they" can redefine the words we use then so can I.

Anyway, little opportunities like this keep falling into my lap without much effort on my part. Now I have to start acting on them since God won't just issue me a check or hand me a winning lottery ticket. I must admit that sometimes that sounds really, really appealing (see a couple of paragraphs up about my dream job) but I know that sort of event really, really will not happen.

So fun and excitement continue around here.

Wow! I'm really falling behind!

2009-05-04T02:50:00Z

Well!

It's been a while since I posted anything. Funny, but now that I'm an unemployed bum I have even less free time than when I was working. Let's see what's been going on....

A four month long contract position ended in March, leaving me high and dry. Since then I've been double-minded about my own business. I've been throwing my resume around but no one is hiring... at least, no one is hiring ME! So I'm registered with the state as a sole proprietor for the installation and maintenance of business communication systems. That was the easy part. Now I have to actually go and find work for my self.

To anyone thinking about starting a business: If you even *HINT* to your state that you are starting your own business you WILL NOT receive unemployment compensation. Period. Oops on me but what was I supposed to do? Lie? Out of the question.

At first, I was not going to apply but a friend urged me to do so. "Why not? That's what it's there for" was the basic argument. Turns out it's not for anyone actually interested in doing something. I should just sit on my couch and watch Oprah and claim I'm sending out resumes.

Oh well.

Meanwhile, the Wilds have opened up a new campground about 7 miles from our house! Whoot! I've been helping get things organized for this summer a little (very little, don't think I'm bragging here) so that takes up some time.

And I've been helping friends around town clean up their yards by cutting up fallen trees. Some have been damaged from last December's ice storm while others were just dead or dying. Still, free clean up for them equals free firewood for me! If this keeps up I'll have a good supply for winter. I'm not an expert with a chain saw but I can (sometimes) get a tree to fall exactly where I want it to go. The other times it falls exactly where I DO NOT want it to fall. At least I haven't hit any power lines!

And my telephone services earned me a little last month so I'm not completely hopeless! Hmm... Telephone and tree removal service? Not exactly what my business plan says but hey, ya gotta go where God leads, eh?

On the home front: Little Girl is almost walking. She'll rush around the house holding onto walls and furniture but will only take a step or two without holding on to something. Still only two bottom teeth with (maybe) a third coming in down there. Talking up a storm of gibberish with some words and phrases mixed in. She calls for her (slightly) bigger brother, says "wow! What was that?" and a few other strange things she's picked up from the other kids. We taught her to sign "more" several months ago so she could tell us if she was still hungry and wanted "more". Now she signs and says "more" at the same time. She has a favorite book which she'll hold up to you and beg to have it read. If you don't, she'll get angry and growl. If you take the book and sit in the rocking chair she'll laugh and wiggle and can't wait to sit in your lap. And she loves looking at pictures of people.

Yikes! We're getting ready to home school a high school student next year! Fun and exciting!

That's it for now. I'll post something else this year. Yes, definitely this year.

Bionic Woman

2009-02-27T15:18:00Z

Those of you that know us know that my wife has been going deaf. It started 10 years ago when her hearing level dropped suddenly. The doctor confirmed she has otosclerosis then and her hearing stabilized. Whether that was due to anything we did or just how it worked we don't know but things were mostly normal after that.

This summer her hearing again dropped to where she reported almost no hearing in one ear and significantly reduced hearing in the other. Our house was full of "huh" and "what" for several months and not a few "Did you say [enter ridiculous statement here]?" While those last ones were often funny the whole effect was rather disturbing and somewhat disrupting to our household. Movie nights were especially difficult when she insisted on turning the volume up to 30 (compared to the normal volume of about 15) and still couldn't hear was being said while the rest of us sat with our hands clapped over our ears.

This month we decided to get hearing aids. Not exactly the best time considering our finances but they were desperately needed. I am happy to report Melissa, with her new bionics, can hear again - even whispers behind her back! Wow. No more secrets from her!
The first thing she noticed was how loud our house is during a normal day: The microwave, the fans on the computers, and yes, the kids! She commented "I can hear the mouse buttons click!" Funny how you take some of those things for granted.

These little units are awesome! We've ordered a Bluetooth device so she can answer the phone via a pendant around her neck that routes the call to her hearing aids. The technology is pretty cool, especially considering the small size of the units.

I had threatened to get her a tin-horn to stick in her ear so she could hear at church but I think these are better. So hurrah for modern technology!

And now not only can I say I married a Rocket Scientist, I can say my wife is a CYBORG!

Once again Sci Fi comes true (mostly)

2009-02-09T14:05:00Z

There are hundreds of examples of science fiction becoming reality from submarines to moon landings to lots of more mundane examples. Star Trek communicators? Now we all have cell phones. Light sabers? Well, I'm still waiting for mine.

In the meantime, we have the increasingly popular Flashmob. I recall Larry Niven coining the phrase to describe when people would teleport to a location to see a newsworthy event, causing extra stress to local infrastructure and possibly getting themselves hurt in the process. It's the future version of 'rubbernecking' - slowing down and gawking at an accident along the side of the road.

In Niven's future, the police would reroute the teleport terminals in the immediate area of a situation to automatically deposit the curious into holding cells for later processing. We still don't have teleportation but we do have near instant communication, allowing many people to show up somewhere simultaneously.

Granted, the above example of a flashmob isn't exactly the same as Niven's vision but neither are many examples of science fiction predictions. Still, the future is very quickly becoming the present.

The book review that never was

2009-01-29T16:25:00Z

It has become apparent that I am not to finish the book Brisingr.

We first procured a copy from our town library less than a month after the book was published. My son devoured it in less than three days. I started reading but our copy had to return to the library before I could complete it. And I was almost done, too.

So I went on line to download the audio book version. Only problem there, or problems, were the forty other people waiting to download. Humph. I had to wait.

Well, I finally got my email notice that my turn had come and I could download my audio book. Only problem was I received the notice over one weekend when we were away. You only have two days to download before your turn expires and so I lost the opportunity to do so. Placing another hold on the audio book would place me behind another forty people so I had no choice but to wait again.

Finally, last week I downloaded Brisingr and have been listening as much as possible. This morning I finally caught up to almost the exact same place I left off reading months ago. I decided to listen all the way through again since it had been a few months and I have decided I enjoy audio books while driving. As it is almost lunch time, I thought to listen a bit more.

But between when I ended listening this morning and when I tried to start up again just moments ago my subscription expired and thus I can't finish the story. That's the downside to using the library - they use protected WMA format for audio books that expire after 7 days or so.

Good news is that there's only one person in the queue before me so there's a good chance I'll be able to download it again within a few days. But what are the odds that it would stop now, right when I'm within a few pages - or minutes of listening - of getting to where I left off before?

So what lesson is God teaching me today?

Hairstyle Malfunction

2009-01-12T21:48:00Z

You know you're going to have a bad hair day, or month, when your hair stylist yells "Oh NO!" when cutting your hair.

I've been using the same person for several years now and haven't had any problems. To protect the innocent all names have been changed. For example, "Melissa" has been changed to "My Rotten Wife."

My Rotten Wife began cutting my hair as usual, with the clippers on the back of my head. We have one of those clipper kits with several different attachments to obtain the desired hair length. My hair is pretty easy; she uses one attachment for the back and sides and another for the top. Switching attachments, she begins on the top of my head. She's completed two strokes down the center when she says those fateful words:

"Your hair must have grown a lot since last time. I'm taking off a whole lot more OH NO!"

Yes, My Rotten Wife grabbed the wrong attachment and cut my hair just a wee bit shorter than normal. Actually, a lot shorter.

After taking several pictures of my reverse-Mohawk My Rotten Wife cut the rest to a matching length. Still, it feels very strange to have such short hair. Not that my hair was ever very long (OK, it was in the 1980s but EVERYONE had long hair then!) but it's almost half the length it normally is. Oh well.

I offered to cut her hair but for some reason she refused.

And if anyone is really wondering: No, I'm not mad at my wife. We laughed about this for quite some time. And no, you won't see the pictures posted here.

Let's Sing the Bunny Song!

2009-01-12T14:29:00Z

From the "What was I thinking?" department: we have a rodent in our house.

My daughter has wanted a bunny for years and after receiving an email that someone was giving some away for free, my wife relented of her "No Pets Allowed" policy and went and picked one up.

Now, the main reason for not having a critter is that we tend to go places on the spur of the moment and having to find a critter sitter or other care just doesn't seem that easy. So we've opted not to have any extra family members. Until Now.

So when Melissa told me she was thinking of getting a pet my first reaction was "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

And the rabbit may have been free but all the stuff we've purchased has nearly hit the $200 mark! But The Girl was thrilled to have a bunny so I guess that makes it all worthwhile.

My philosophy has always been that pets are an excellent emergency source of meat so having a rabbit is just fine. Naturally I wanted to name him "Stew" but my daughter picked "Lewie" instead.

Lewie is a Holland Lop, bunny brown, and about three pounds. He's bigger than I expected but he shouldn't grow much more - unless we over feed him.

What's funny is that the two little ones in the house have absolutely no fear and will go up to him all the time. Even eight month old Baby Girl will chase him around doing her "army man" crawl. Every time she sees Lewie she starts this high pitched (higher than normal, that is) squealing and just beams. It's really cute. But she grabs too hard because, well, she's only eight months old, so we have to watch her. But Lewie doesn't seem to mind and will bound out of his cage and meet her face-to-face sometimes.

I showed the Little Guy how to let Lewie sniff the back of his hand so now he does it all the time saying, "Now Lewie knows me." He doesn't grab like his little sister but he does jump around "I'm doing what Lewie is doing!" which scares the bunny just a little bit.

So far we haven't noticed any allergic reactions in anyone, which has been the second reason for not having any pets. I expect to start sneezing any minute now with both the hare hair and hay dust floating around. We'll see.

I predict...

2009-01-08T20:02:00Z

I'm a bit late for 2009 predictions but here they are nonetheless:

Apple will continue with the ever smaller and inappropriately named iPod versions by introducing the iPod Yocto, the smallest iPod to date. It will be made of exactly five engineered molecules and forgo wired connections. Users will either use Bluetooth headphones or have the unit implanted directly into their brains. Customers will praise the five-terabytes of storage and the new user interface, although the buttons are too small for some users.

Microsoft will release a new Xbox game console, the Xbox Revolution. It will have the exact same specifications as the Xbox 360 and cost the same. Industry analysts will complain that "Microsoft is going around in circles."

Nothing will be resolved in the Middle East. That's not much of a prediction, is it?

Completing the thirty-year cycle, scientists will abandon Global Warming in favor of Global Cooling, as was in favor during the 1970's. Environmental groups will advocate policies to tax companies that are endothermic and to create a new BTU credit program. Heat producing companies will be able to sell their extra BTU's to offset the heat-reducing companies. Al Gore will continue to get rich.

To end the worldwide recession, Democrats will back a bill to instantly reduce all prices by fifty percent. Wages instantly follow, except the Minimum Wage. The Federal Reserve will set interest rates to a negative number, actually paying individuals and corporations to take out debt.

Space Aliens seek to live in the United States. Congress sets immigration limits far below the number requesting permission. Illegal Aliens take low paying jobs away from humans. The Mexican economy collapses.

Increasing the reach of the "Nanny State", New York City begins taxing sugary, fatty foods. Oh, that already happened.

Doctors announce that saliva causes cancer, but only when swallowed in very small quantities over a long period of time. (Not original but still funny.)

With the United States finally switching to all digital television broadcasting, Radio soon follows. The U.S. Government begins a program to provide Digital Radio Converters to help ease the transition. The converters receive digital signals and rebroadcast via low power analog signal. Mobile users continually step on each others' frequencies, causing increased reports of road rage.

Oil prices remain in flux and many homeowners install pellet stoves to offset heating costs. Riots break out when it is discovered that the pellets are imported from Saudi Arabia.

Ethanol as an alternative fuel fails when too many vehicles experience sudden fuel tank ruptures. American autos just can't hold their alcohol.

Satan worshipers demand and end to the manufacturing and selling of deviled eggs and ham.

State of the Blog

2009-01-08T17:38:00Z

I've not said much about my writing lately simply because there hasn't been much progress. I'm still working on it with a few more short stories and one longer that will likely never see publication. Why? Because I'm still learning.

Some people seem to be born great writers. That's not true, but it appears that way. They show up suddenly with thousand page novels that need very little editing and are instant successes. That is really the exception to the rule.

Most writers, at least they used to, start off with short stories submitted to magazines and other publications and slowly build their style, voice, and story telling ability. Then longer novels appear.

I am obviously not in the first camp (which doesn't really exist anyway) and I haven't broken into the second with anything being published yet. So what am I?

I'm a hack, but you knew that already. Well, maybe not a "hack" but certainly I'm too undisciplined in my style and story telling to really be effective. If you've known me personally for any length of time you know I can tell stories - Remember "mouse milk" anyone? If you don't, perhaps I'll post a version here someday. But there's a disconnect between verbal speaking with facial gestures and voice inflections and the written word. It takes practice, some people more than others, to write well. So I practice.

What does that mean? For one thing I'm still enjoying myself and that's the main point. Will I ever see anything in print? I'd like to but I'm honest enough to know nothing I've written yet is really worthwhile. I think I'm closer with some works than others. It's like my painting. I'm better at landscapes and trees than with drawing and painting people mostly because I've had less practice. I'd like to think I'm talented enough that I could learn to draw people well (well enough, anyway) if I really tried. and I'd like to think my writing will improve, too. So more practice.

And more discipline. That's the real key. I don't know about others but I'm thinking up thousands of rabbit trails and have a hard time focusing on the real plot and direction of a story. It becomes a question of what to leave out as much as what to put down on paper.

I'm not in the habit of making new year resolutions because I have too much fun breaking them within minutes of stating them so I won't resolve to be published by the end of 2009 or anything like that. It won't work. But I will continue working and learning the craft of writing well. And, if God wills, I'll actually get better.

Morally and Financially Bankrupt

2009-01-08T13:30:00Z

Porn makers want a bailout.

No, really. That's it.

In these times of government bailouts of everyone and everything, why not have nationalized smut?

Now, I'm no expert in this, but it seems to me that if you own XXX number of this type of DVD, how many more do you need? It's not like the technology changes. Are there fans, like Trekkies, that follow the story lines and really get into the characters? Maybe I'm just naive but I would think that a porn movie from 5 years ago would be just as good (bad?) as one made today.

It's hard to predict if our fearless leaders will go for this or not. Washington has been selling itself on a regular basis so perhaps they will take offense at this all-too-close-to-home industry in an attempt to maintain their thin disguise of propriety.

Great Balls of Fire!

2008-12-31T00:47:00Z

So I really am not crazy!

Last night, as part of our home schooling we were watching the original King Kong (my wife is a slave driver when it comes to home work!) when I happened to see out the window a blaze in the sky, shooting East to West just above the trees.

"Wow! What was that?" I exclaim and rush to the window. Of course, it was gone by then but my older son claimed to have also seen it and the Little Guy ventured to look outside for the next hour, claiming to see it each time.

I did not get to see the explosion as reported but what I did see was quite impressive.

I expect a knock at the door any moment. When I answer I am sure I'll see little green men.

All is well

2008-12-17T20:30:00Z

And the lights came back on last night. Whew! Ironically, or perhaps "logically" the power lines were fixed just moments after I acquired all the correct gage wire, conduit, plugs, and outlets to wire the generator properly into fuse box. I'll be ready next time.

I'm really amazed, as I thought we'd be out a lot longer. The Power Company is doing a fantastic job restoring service as quickly as possible. With 320,000 households without power on Saturday the number of outages is now down to about 70,000. That's still more than the total outages from the dreaded Ice Storm of 1998 but that number is rapidly decreasing.

I still know several people without power and we're expecting more snow and such for the next few days. Please pray for everyone who is without power and for the safety of line crew. I have heard of a few deaths related to carbon monoxide or fires so the need is still great.

A Three Hour (Week?) Tour

2008-12-15T14:00:00Z

No lights, no phone, no Internet
It's as primitive as can be...

So the ice storm knocked out everything in our area and the power company is hedging it's bets. We were originally told up to three days but now parts of the state may not see power until Christmas. And yes, we are one of those areas.

Good news: We had a wood stove installed just the week before. As previously mentioned, I'd been cutting trees in expectation of using said wood stove this past year so we have a small store of fuel to keep us warm. I just didn't expect to need it so soon or so long.

When I found out on Friday that we would be without power for several days I immediately went searching for a generator. I got to Big Box Store just in time to see the last one leave the building. It seems everyone and their brother wanted one today. Not to be deterred, I asked a nice young lady in customer service to check other stores for me. I was then informed that they were completely out all the way down to New Jersey.

Oops.

So I says to my self, "if they are out going South, let's try North." and promptly called Mom.

I am not ashamed to say I call my Mom for help. "Mom! Quick! Call Big Box Store and see if they have any generators in stock. Check other stores, too! I'm driving up now so just find one."

She found one and called my brother to pick it up. It seems that everyone and their brother were coming North from Massachusetts and New Hampshire to get them and this was one of the last in stock. Big Bro started driving South and met me in the middle of Vermont where we made the exchange from one truck to the other. I can't help wondering if our grandfather made a similar run at some point - not for a generator but to bring South that prohibited beverage during his youth at the beginning of the last century.

Back home I sent Melissa to get gas. Little did we know that everyone and their brother wanted gas for their generators, too. So she had to drive into the city before finding a station with power and gas, a necessary combination as most by this time had only one or the other, thus rendering their services obsolete.

That night I got the refrigerator and freezer plugged in and thus our investment in ice cream was secure. Saturday, a friend of mine came over and showed me how to get the whole house up and running but it wasn't until Saturday afternoon that I figured out how to Drury-rig (you may have heard it as "jury-rig" but I assure you my term is correct in this instance) the 240 volts required to run the well pump.

So we have (some) power, heat, and propane cooking stoves. No cable TV, however. Many in our area aren't so fortunate and we had an impromptu pot-luck at the church. The corn bread baked over the wood stove came out well (a little over done on the bottom but overall an excellent first attempt at baking over a fire) and the large pot of turkey soup was wonderful.

One thing we saw was that the full moon shown on the ice at the tips of all the trees and there appeared to be a thousand new constellations in the sky. Melissa wished she had a camera capable of capturing that scene but we don't. Just imagine tiny lights dancing at the end of every branch.

God continues to be good and watches out for fools.

Hey! Lego my...Lego!

2008-12-10T15:56:00Z

So our Lego Robotics team completely didn't do what I expected at the end of November and actually qualified for our State Competition December 6th. Wow!

We also received 3rd place in Robotic Design at the regional competition and high marks for our research presentation, team work, and technical assessment. Our robot didn't work as well at competition as it did in practice but that's typical. And we learned some tricks on how to make it more reliable.

Next year we'll do better.

At State's we didn't score quite as well, although our robot scored more points on the challenges than at regionals. All in all, it was a very fun and long day! I was up until 1am getting ready, up at 4:30am to be ready, and didn't get home until nearly 9pm!

Next year we'll do better.

Know a bunch of 10 to 14 year olds? Check out the First Lego League and see if it's for you! I highly recommend it!

It's a living, but someone has to make a dirty job out of it.

2008-12-10T14:01:00Z

Once again real life takes over and I don't bother to update my blog for too long.

It's been a crazy ride - again. After 2 months forced vacation I landed a contract position at a very large corporation. I'm not doing tech work but instead writing up telcom engineering specs on corporate real estate changes. That means when a local branch (one of the nearly 1000 local offices across the nation) needs to change, the project manager submits a request and I have to figure out the infrastructure changes and provide budget analysis. It's quite a bit different from the hands-on work I'm used to but I'm still accessing data and voice systems to pull information and I'm dusting off my old technical writing skills. It's only for a month but may be extended.

Not to shabby considering how slow everything is in this area. No one is hiring and technicians are now a dime a dozen. Even more techs from my old employer are being let go next month which will create an even bigger surplus of telephony technicians.

Someone remarked how at least I have a head start on some of them. We'll see.

Anyway, I'm not digging ditches or laying asphalt - two jobs I never want to do again. Nor am I taking unemployment - something else I never want to do again. I'd rather deliver pizzas than go on unemployment.

Meanwhile I've also been working on servicing some customers on my own. Not a lot of work but it's been a good learning experience working on products I've never seen before. One customer even asked me to record their Auto Attendant messages so now you hear my voice saying "Thank you for calling. If you know your party's extension you may dial it at any time." Ha! Not exactly the voice work I dreamed of doing as a kid (didn't everyone want to be a cartoon voice?) but it pays (not so much, but it is money). I'll be working on their Music-on-Hold announcements, too. Then you'll hear me saying things like "You may also submit a trouble ticket on line. Visit us at www...." and "Did you know you can do...." while waiting on hold. There's actually a small market for professional sounding custom recordings. I've billed enough to pay for the new laptop I needed, but that's it so far.

I don't like laptops - I prefer desktops mostly for the full size keyboards. It's hard to relocate your full tower system while visiting various customers, however. So when I found a laptop with a full keyboard (or 90% anyway) that was dirt cheap, I was pretty excited. After loading all my product documents, System access software (every phone system requires a unique and custom interface), and recording software, I now have a portable office capable of watching Naruto videos - I mean, interfacing with customers equipment and recording and editing voice prompts. Not high tech, but very useful.

So my "Open for Business" sign is hanging out front. Let me know if you need some help fixing your telephone system, streamlining the auto-nightmare menu system customers go through to reach a live person, or providing advertisements to your on-hold captive audience. All lines are open and operators are standing by to take your order.

Tricks and Treats!

2008-11-04T04:03:00Z

This was not a normal Halloween.

First, as Fundamentalists, we don't celebrate the traditional Halloween-go-door-to-door-in-evil-inspired-costumes. We have a "Fall Family Fellowship" where we serve lots-o-food (we're Baptists and we love FOOD) and make our children do strange things like eating doughnuts dangling from strings without using their hands. It's similar to the traditional pie-eating-contest except it's less sticky and more powered-sugary!

That was at night. My tricks started early Friday morning when I woke up in tremendous pain.

About one o'clock my eyes open with an audible "poing" and that feeling in my gut tells me my old friend is back. Mr. Stone comes to stay in my kidneys every 10 years or so and he isn't a nice guest.

I quietly get out of bed and go downstairs to surf the web and wait for it all to go away. In times past the pain comes in waves which actually makes it more better than writhing in pain constantly for hours on end. At least you can take a rest, catch your breath, and brace yourself for the next onslaught. I mean, who wants to go through gut wrenching torture for several hours?

Apparently I do because it just won't stop. Not even a little bit. And there's nothing you can do to get comfortable. You think if you just sit THIS way or lean THAT way that maybe you'll find some way of making it hurt just a little bit less.

You can't. It's another trick.

About an hour and a half of this and I'm done. I wake Melissa and we go to the emergency room. We wake her dad (did I tell you my In-Laws' were up visiting this week? Trick.) pack the baby, and drive off into the dark.

It's a long drive to the hospital. Ouchy.

"Oh no!" I say as we're driving. "I forgot something."

"You want me to turn around? What did you forget?"

"I forgot clean underwear." So being in pain doesn't help my sense of humor. Just don't tell my mom. She'd be horrified.

So that's the trick I received for Halloween. The treat? I got to try opium derivatives for the first time. They gave me 3 shots of morphine before I noticed any real change and even then it didn't cut the pain so much as it let me relax and fall asleep. So in between ugly guy nurses (another cheap trick) checking my blood pressure every so often I stayed in my blissful, drug induced sleep.

I wasn't so out of it that I didn't want to slap one fellow who came in knowing I was drugged and in pain and said to me "Are you out of it? You look out of it. Are you out of it?" What was THAT all about? Of course I'm out of it. I'm on opium!

But in the end I was able to go home with a bottle of opium derivatives (treat!). And a strainer (trick). If you don't know what the strainer is for, just imagine how one might catch something produced in the kidney as it exits the body. 'Nuf said.

I've had friends tell me all sorts of stories of the medicines they've received and all the fun side effects so I must admit I was somewhat looking forward to finding out what they were talking about. I didn't (trick!). No funky feelings, no tasting colors. What I did have, however, were some very vivid dreams. As I'm dozing I'd have a conversation with Melissa and continue the topic in my dream. I'd then wake up saying something like "...and then we'll have to..." and realize I'm basically talking in my sleep. I did that 3 or 4 times and each time I became aware of the difference between sleeping and waking in the time it took to say about 5 words.

In the end I stopped taking opium by that evening and went to the Fall Family Fellowship where only a few people knew what had happened during the day. I had great fun telling the story and the only person who noticed something was wrong is an EMT and deals with druggies all the time. My eyes were teenie- tiny pin pricks and apparently I was shlurring mah speesh just a little bit.

And yes, on Sunday during our "Praises and Testimony" time I announced that I had "kicked my opium habit" which did NOT amuse the pastor. I did explain the real story so everything's OK.